How To Build The Ultimate Oppo Car.

"Jim Spanfeller" (awesomeaustinv)
09/15/2020 at 20:23 • Filed to: I wasted hours on this

After seeing Davesaddiction’s “How OPPO Is Your Car?” post, I began to wonder, “What if I built a car purely to get the maximum number of Oppo points? What would that car be like and how many points could I get?”

So using his rules, I’ve decided to try and figure out what, hypothetically, the ultimate Oppo car (that can actually be built) would be. Note that I’ve put way too much thought into this and there are still plenty of logistical issues, loophole exploitations, and the simple fact that this car would certainly cost millions if not tens of millions of dollars to actually construct. But it’s technically possible. Probably. Anyhoo...

First off, for the basis of this car I would use a 1938 Panhard 402, because it’s a pre-WWII(60+40 pts) French(50 pts) car from a dead brand (5 pts) with suicide doors(50 pts).

However, there is also a bonus for targa tops (30 pts), so this ‘38 Panhard will feature a coachbuilt two-door (20 pts) targa body. After the body has been coachbuilt, it will be El-Caminoized (101 pts) and converted to use a pair (100 pts) of rear-mounted (20 pts) turbine engines (1,000,000 pts + 15 pts because they’re not original). You could argue that at this point it’s not so much a truck bed as just an open engine bay, but I say if the El-Caminoization is done properly first, then it counts as engines mounted in the truck bed.

There’s also a bonus for “Doors, however many, but they’re welded shut”, which I’m interpreting to mean “if any of the doors are welded shut”, so let’s go ahead and weld the passenger-side suicide door shut (100 pts). While we’re at it, let’s chuck the passenger seat as well so it’s a single-seater (25 pts).

Then there’s the billion-point bonus for Vector cars. This is a tricky part, but I have a solution: Simply pay Gerald Wiegert an obscene amount of money to build that targa body and slap the Vector name on it. Boom. ‘38 Vector-Panhard. One billion points.

It shall be rear-drive (20 pts), with a limited-slip differential in the back (10 pts), and an entirely useless locking differential in the front (5pts). Also, hydropneumatic suspension (50 pts).

The transmission will have to be a manual on the tree. Not sure exactly how that will work, but I’m sure throwing enough money at a team of engineers would produce a column-shift manual capable of handling the power of two turbine engines (60 pts). Those turbine engines should also totally be able to crank out over 1,000 hp (100 pts).

The car will be painted two-tone dark purple and lavender, with an orange interior (10+5 pts) and be retrofitted with pop-up headlights, preferably of the Porsche 944 variety (10 pts).

Aftermarket racing bucket fixed in place (10+10+5 pts) and an aftermarket rollcage, plus a real wooden digital dashboard (10+25 pts) with analog clock (5 pts), no cupholders (5 pts), and metric gauges, because I live in ‘Murica (10 pts)

The coachbuilt targa body will also feature carbon-fiber body panels (25 pts) and a waterbed where the passenger seat used to be (6.9 pts). Also, upon completion, the car will be shipped to Virginia where it will live out the rest of its days sporting a fine pair of Truck Nutz (500 pts).

Alright, I think that’s everything (aside from taking weight into consideration, which I can’t do). If you can think of anything applicable that I forgot, let me know.

The total: 1,001,001,507 .9 glorious Oppo points.

So there it is. Now you know. That’s how many Oppo points a car can possibly have. I think it’s fair to say that if this car were actually built, it’s lucky Virginian owner would be the King/Queen/Supreme Leader of all car enthusiasts, and we would all fear their powerful status. Luckily, I don’t think any of us is actually crazy/crazy rich enough to actually build this monstrosity, so we’re safe.

For now...

DISCUSSION (27)

vondon302 > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 20:42

Well damn that was more work than actually tallying up my fleet. Nicely done!

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 20:42

My ‘91 Corolla, base model, 5-sp manual, which I just sold with 238k miles, is as Oppo as they come. Any opinion to the contrary would simply be incorrect.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 20:50

now whats the most OPPO factory original car ever made ?

Jim Spanfeller > OPPOsaurus WRX
09/15/2020 at 21:12

The Vector W8. Thanks to the special dispensation, it’s already worth a billion Oppo points just for being a Vector.

Kinja'd!!!

Jim Spanfeller > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo
09/15/2020 at 21:18

And it’s probably a lot better to drive than the monstrosity I described in my post. Can you imagine the how bad the handling of a pre-WWII car with two turbine engines behind the rear axle and pushing 1,000 hp must be? Obviously, the true measure of a car’s greatness is how much joy it brings you, but for the sake of taking a fun little internet test to the ridiculous extreme, I had to figure out how to maximize points :)

Jim Spanfeller > vondon302
09/15/2020 at 21:22

Thanks :) I think this is the most work I’ve ever put into an Oppo post. I spent days brainstorming how this would be built and then hours trying to write the post in a way that makes sense. And then I had to do maths... But it had to be done. I had to know the answer.

Just Jeepin' > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 21:26

It’s almost as if that rule was designed specifically to avoid someone having to do the research...

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 21:28

So all that haggling over ruining a car for a one percent gain in overall points? Compared to one billion points one million points isn't all that much more. Just outfit a Vector to begin with and you get most of those.

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
09/15/2020 at 21:32

You miss the point. The point isn’t to merely have more points than anyone else, the point is to have all the points. As many as possible. And outfitting a Vector can get you most of the way there, but you miss out on all the extra points that a pre-WWII French car with suicide doors gets you!

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 21:35

This. This is good Oppo.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 21:41

Rebranding the car as a Vector loses you the French car points since my American built South Korean designed car with a German engine has been proven to be only American for some reason and not all of the above.

WilliamsSW > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 21:41

However it *should* be a turbo Corvair.

Jim Spanfeller > WilliamsSW
09/15/2020 at 21:47

Agreed.

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
09/15/2020 at 21:49

That’s because your car is only branded as an American car. This one is a Vector-Panhard, and is both an old French car and a Vector. Loopholes.

And Geoff can totally identify as South Korean if he wants, I won’t judge.

WilliamsSW > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 21:57

So I checked and got 257 for a bone stock turbo convertible.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 21:59

The only thing American about the car is where it was built. It’s a particularly good Daewoo with a slow slow slow Opel engine. Yet I’ve been told that is against the rules.

(Geoff is self conscious about his Daewoo ancestry so don't sepak about it in front of him)

I suppose I’ve only ever seen hyphenated names of two different manufacturers when they are from the same country like the Matra-Simca Rancho. So if Icon remanufactures a Toyota Land Cruiser and calls it the Icon-Toyota Land Cruiser, it could be a 1970s Japanese 4x4 that’s from an American brand?

WilliamsSW > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 22:00

Ok so a fun game would be to beat that with an unmodified car. No Vectors or Chrysler Turbine cars allowed.

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
09/15/2020 at 22:04

Yes. Kinda like how the AC Cobra is thought of as an American car but it’s also British.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
09/15/2020 at 22:10

Good point. I guess you’ve finagled your way out of this one. . . for now.

And by that logic Geoff is still a dual citizen of three countries. And still has an Oppo score of 0

*sniff*

And my mom’s FWD crossover (crowd gasps) gets 11 points total f or blowing an engine (unoriginal to car) and being a Swedish turbo I5 despite being profoundly terrible to drive.

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
09/16/2020 at 00:05

0 points? How’d he manage that? That’s too bad.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Jim Spanfeller
09/16/2020 at 07:43

I actually considered doing a dual-turbine swap into the Co roll a, but I didn't really have the shop space to undertake it.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
09/16/2020 at 08:44

-10 for fake plastic windows, -5 for fake vents (and that’s not including the fo g lamp hole covers), and two other -10s for minor stuff like transverse and something else pedantic. Overall he actually registered in 9 categories while my brother’s much more boring sedan also got 0 points after registering in 3 categories. That says it all.

How’d Phoebe score? Bet she got pretty high up in the points department.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Jim Spanfeller
09/16/2020 at 09:56

Fantastic.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo
09/16/2020 at 09:58

A mileage bonus will be added to the next version!

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
09/16/2020 at 11:42

Last I checked, I believe her score was something like 207. I think the only negative points she scored were because of the fake hood scoop. If you count pollen as a second color, then maybe Geoff could get 3 points for two-tone?

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller
09/16/2020 at 11:54

I did give him points for a two tone interior even though the tones are black and tan. I just think he deserves more than 0.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
09/16/2020 at 21:32

My Safari has that many miles on it. My daughter and her husband and our grandson may be moving to Virginia, so no I may wind up trying to wring out another cross country trip or two from it.